Posts

He looked at her like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time

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Java, notifies you about updating to the latest version immediately after you updated to the latest version

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I like that title that is a nice title

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Friendship is so weird you just pick a human you've met and you're like yup i like this one and you just do stuff with them

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There are many people in the country today who through no fault of their own are sane, some of them born sane, some of them became sane later in their lives, it is up to people like you and me who are out of our tiny little minds to try and help these people overcome their sanity

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I'm really hungry but the food in the middle of my bowl is gone

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Okay so dwight in your own words, someone replaced all my pens with crayons, i suspect jim halpert, everyone has called my dwayne all day, this morning i found a bloody glove in my desk and jim tried to convince me i commited a murder, jim said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room, when i went to save the child i saw meredith on the can

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I'd like to tell my therapist all the things i'm thinking, but i don't want to be put in a mental institution

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What if i told you leaving the price out of your listing makes me ignore it

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What if all grammar nazis are nsa agents their plan is to force us to write well so that their search engine works better

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If you are a non-conformist, then you have only conformed to non-conformism

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If you are what you eat, are cannibals the only normal people

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Say hello to my little friend, elmo is his name

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I watched the episode they had like a truck full of potatoes and dumped them down a hill and said that's how many potatoes you consume in a year and she cried and then ran inside and ate more cheesy potatoes

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Here's 10 bucks, go buy something that comes in a box

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Hey megan, wait did you just call me megan, that's your name isn't it, well actually meg is short for something else, peter would you give this to the nurse, megatron, robots in disguise

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What about this idea that lincoln should have just waited because slavery would have eventually died of natural causes, john the south was so committed to slavery that lincoln didn't die of natural causes

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I make up random imaginary scenarios just before i go to sleep, to try and kickstart my dreams

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Friend spends hours explaining to me she's telephatic can use telekinesis due to irradiated metal inside her body, also claims to have learned quantum mechanics in one day, what i heard, i can catch a rainbow in my hat

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I'm doing good, superman does good, you doin well, you need to study your grammar son

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Who is this, i know this one the guy with the breathing problem

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Do you like boys or do you like girls, i don't like boys, i like netflix and birds

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The teleturbans

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That's a nice driveway you shoveled, it would be a shame, if you had to shovel it again

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Elijah wood and macaulay culkin 20 years later

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Some guy got my phone number and keeps texting remember space jam, i dont need this

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Think about that nowadays germany is the country that cares most about human rights

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I'd need your help, i can't tell you what it is you can never ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people, who's car we gonna take

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Dad what's silver, i don't know son we're canadian

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Maybe if you go to bed you'll feel better in the morning is literally just the human version of have you tried turning it off and back on again, what have you done

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i dont always set an alarm for the next morning, but when i do i set it 45 minutes before i need to get up and snooze it 9 times in a row

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What if i told you, you tried to remove the blue color

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Relax gringo i'm legal

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I hate snow, it's white and on my land

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Sorry we are closed due to short staff, hire taller staff cause i need a taco

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Ocarina of time taught us not to harm the chickens, skyrim reminded us

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It's called unpopular opinion puffin, not very popular but sort of politically incorrect opinion puffin

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Biggest ios 7 update, apple maps doesn't drive you off an overpass

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I love you so much, i love you too, this is real, you're my husband, you're my wife, you married me in front of people, i did i was there

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Tired, nope just egghausted

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Good news guys i spent all my money, troy you can't bring that in here, yes i can, it's all terrain dummy

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We cant do the surgery, you need 50 more likes on facebook

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I love that car more than anything that i have, dad what about us, you need a q-tip

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Eating really nasty food at someones house, this is good

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Whatsapp free period expiring, accidentally buys the whole company

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You're the most famouse guest we've ever had on, this must be a terrible show then

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Such crust, sliced enriched buns hamburger

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Dies to do more research on ghosts

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Yep i see your problem, there's a dude passed out in your engine, and your mechanic is a goat

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Introverts, unite separately in your own homes

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